Since I came to study in Beijing in 2004, I have been living here for more than ten years. Every time I think of this, I can’t help but panic, like I was suddenly wakened up by someone from meditation. Thinking carefully seems that I have spent ten years to get my self on the right track, what a late awareness!
Ashamed to say, this is in fact the natural law. As a small town youth firstly came to the resplendent metropolis, I must behave modest and prudent. In the first five years, no matter ink or oil, figurative or abstract, actually I was doing the work of reference and imitation, you can find Matisse, Picasso, Kiefer, Morandi and Shang Yang in it, however not myself. I tried hard to observe with the eyes of the others, to speak with the words of the others, to disguise with the look of the others, with a disguised disguise. This road is very tiring, but the outcomes often tended to look the other way, and I was always feeling at a loss. Also the satisfaction after the completion of the work was often short and flat.
Since then, a problem had become very urgent to me: where is my position in the works? In fact, one more or one less of Morandi is not important for the audience, they even hope you could be a little meek Morandi-beautiful, elegant, quiet, likable everywhere, making every audience happy. If so, where’s the personal value of "me "? I often thought of Homond Caffo’s words in the "On Writing ": "It’s not the talent I’m talking about, there are a lot of talented writers in the world. But a writer with a special way of abserving things and able to express in art - a writer like this are not too many. " And putting the "talent " aside, who wants to own a special way of observation, firstly he should have a unique perspective. If a piece of work had no attitude or temperament of the artist, no matter how gorgeous it is, it’s still soulless.
From 2011 to 2015, personally speaking it is a relatively quiet four years for me. During this period, the most important change in my thought is that I started to carry out introspection to myself as objective as possible, trying to comprehend myself more deeply. I still remember more than a decade ago during my college, I had been obsessed in depicting people, objects, and scenery in the surrounding by sketching. Due to the ambient occlusion and the lack of the mental burden and the theoretical interference, the works in this period were sincere and thoroughgoing, natural, simple and touching. As the knowledge in the road of study getting more and more, with the understand in all kinds of schools, ideas, style and style in art history, my mind became more and more chaotic, and I gradually became self-contempt, most of the time I was in the depression of being defeated, that was a very real and painful feeling.
In today’s contemporary art circle, there is full of craziness and quirkiness. Under the impetus of two large forces-the system and the market, most people are viewing the world using other people 's eyes, the artists who is stick to their self-worth and not easy to be disturbed by distracting thoughts are estimable. They tend to bind their encounter closely with the times, whose creations have strong personal stamp and the characteristics of the times. During the couple of years of preparing for the new exhibition, I had been disturbed by the dignified and depressed temperament in my works. Undoubtedly I didn’t seem to render this atmosphere on purpose, but I got lost in this atmosphere of loneliness and darkness as I kept painting and couldn’t extricate myself. While I’m worrying if such works are disgusted by the others, I yelled out silently for the thorough emotion pouring on the canvas. In this process, I often impressed by my own deep and heavy doubts and entanglements about creation, what was I looking for in the repeat modification? From the fierce struggle of several states, I gradually understood that I asked so much from my works. In fact, the temperament like I left in my works like following shadow is my true state now, I must respect the self in the shadow.
For me, what painting needs is the isolated fatalism in the heart of the artist, and the sincere acceptance of the inner guidance. Even the drawing of a line, should also be an embodiment of the individual spiritual value, even though this is just a rough and shallow line?There are far too many artists who can draw a perfect line! The simple and sincere expression of this age is the most valuable thing. Just as Raymond Carver said: writers need no tricks, they don’t even have to be cleverer than anyone else, but he has to own the ability to be stunned by ordinary stuff (such as the sunset, an old shoe, etc.), even though could therefore be laughed at. "
At 35 years old, I am not young anymore, for me, returning to my heart, returning to daily life, and returning to the simplest experience of all, thinking with the most original state, so that the works form naturally, this is the way I want to take.
Mi Jie
August 15, 2015